In our first article, I shared with you the first 5 of 10 things to consider before you marry. In this article, I will continue to share with you the next five things to consider before you marry.
The goal of this article is to help you to really prepare so that you know whether the person you want to marry is who they say they are. This is very important because a lot of people have had their hopes dashed simply because their expectations were not met in marriage.
A successful marriage has nothing to do with how he chooses to propose to you, whether it was exotic or some spectacular moves. Rather, there are things that happen in marriage that can cause it to collapse. So, look beyond the glitter and use your head. Let these important points help you in choosing so that you can enjoy a successful marriage.
6. Will you have a place to stay after marriage?
You have to consider whether you will be staying in your family’s house or whether you would have enough money to rent a place. We understand from the Bible that the man “shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave into his wife” (Genesis 2:24). So, there is supposed to be a “leaving” and a “cleaving.”
Leaving means you are leaving one physical place and cleaving means you’re moving to an other physical place. This means that you should have your own place. This is how God set it up to be. So, you need to find a place together. Even much better, if either of you have your own place where you ca move to.
7. Tribal & racial differences are going to affect your marriage.
Always consider the possibility of challenges that tribal differences can bring if you are looking forward to a successful marriage.
There is the tendency to take for granted that because we are Christians the only thing that matters is whether the person is God-fearing or goes to church. Sadly, however, tribal differences affect the marriage. Interracial marriages affect marriages in diverse ways.
Some differences may arise from the kind of food you each prefer, how the home is run, how you even think about things. Surely, if they are really committed to the relationship and love you, they would want to learn. But you need to also consider that if they refuse to learn, you are going to be living with them for a long time. Is that something you would want to experience?
Usually, it is easier marrying someone from the same background. More importantly, if you marry from the same church.
It is always helpful to have similar backgrounds. For instance, if you share the same spiritual background in terms of church, it helps. Also, having the same background culturally also helps make it easier when it comes to a successful marriage.
8. Disparity in levels of education can affect your marriage
Yes, it does. You may have a masters degree while your partner may just have a certificate from high school. This may seem ok. But as a pastor, I’ve worked with so many people, and one of the difficulties I have faced is that it is so difficult to work with people who do not have a college degree. They seem to always have a difficulty understanding things, you have to say it over and over again, they easily give up, and are easily discouraged among, and many more challenges.
It is very important to understand that people who haven’t gone through a rigorous academic training can be challenging to work with. College education gives you a persevering spirit because you need to get an A or B if you want to get good grades. Also, consider the numerous assignments they have to do, and having to do it for four years go a long way to affect the disposition of the individual.
People without this experience easily give up, do not want to try something new, and this is what college experience helps you with.
I have had the experience of where a couple was struggling because one did not understand why the partner was not spending enough time with her because of school. This led to a serious strain on the marriage. There are couple who do not enjoy spending time with each other because there seems to be a gap when it comes to thinking about things.
All these are things to consider before you marry.
9. Is God saying you should marry?
Do not be in a hurry, especially. if you have not received any prompting or indication from God. Do well to enjoy your single life and wait for God’s time. God all things beautiful in it’s time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
So, has God told you to go for it? It should not be because you have completed school and you want to marry. Being single is not a curse. Remember, Jesus was single. Enjoy your single life.
10 Have I had extensive counseling before marriage?
I have been a marriage counselor for some years now and I think that of all the things to consider, this is the biggest of all the points. If you are going to forget all the points, DO NOT forget this.
As a pastor, I have seen different kinds of couples. There are those who are able to do well in their marriage and are usually happy, couples who are not happy but are still in there tolerating each other, and there are those couples who eventually divorce. What I have noticed is that those who eventually divorce did not usually have extensive premarital counseling.
It is very important to understand that your marriage is going to define you for the rest of your life. Understand it, it will define your happiness, your purpose, Also, it will affect your joy and every aspect of your life. This is why you need extensive premarital counseling. This is so important that I’m out church, it is 6 months minimum.
There are a lot of things to talk about. And all these things I’ve shared with you are discussed in our premarital counseling sessions.
If you have not had more than 6 months of continuous counseling with a counselor, the possibility of the marriage not being sustained is a fact.