Get and keep a good spouse. This is one of the important things on every young adult’s mind and probably one of the most important things you will ever have to read.
Also, young adults are often times plagued with questions on relationships. Some of the struggles are lack of interest from the opposite sex when it comes to dating, suffering from heart breaks after investing a lot of their time and emotion into the relationship. Also, some of them worry about the fact that their friends are getting married but for some reason they do not have anyone willing to spend the rest of their lives with them.
Let me assure you that what you will learn from this article will change all that. One important thing that will help you get and keep a good spouse is VALUE.
The importance of VALUE
The one thing that will always guarantee favor in the sight of people, and will always cause you to be chosen is VALUE. As a result, you must do whatever you can to increase your value.
Here’s a fact for you. No one who is in their right mind will want to throw away something as valuable as a diamond or a previous jewelry. Given the option to choose between an expensive jewelry and a table, I’m sure you will choose a diamond without thinking twice for the simple reason that it is more valuable and there’s a lot you can do with it than you ever could with a table.
The first marriage
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.””
Genesis 2:18 NIV
In Genesis, after creating man, God realized that man living alone was not enough. So, God decided to make someone who is suitable to help him. The lesson here is that if you intend on marrying, you must be doing something already. To clarify, you should increase your value to the point that when you find yourself in anyone’s life, you are able to help that person achieve his or her purpose. Without this, to get and keep a good spouse may not come easily for you.
6 Important Areas to Develop your Value in
1. Your Spiritual Life
“For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.”
Isaiah 54:5 NIV
To begin with, you must develop your SPIRITUAL LIFE first by giving your life to Jesus. This is to say that you must grow your relationship with Jesus. Walking with Jesus offers a lot of benefits to us because he:
A. Speaks with us
B. Walks with us
C. Comforts us
If you want to be someone who is chosen and always has favor, who would not struggle to get and keep a good spouse, then, it is important to grow your relationship with Jesus.
Additionally, Jesus is not just someone who walks with us. Chiefly, he is your first “husband” as our scripture says. This does not matter whether you are a man or a woman since we all as a Church belong to the body of Christ which is also described as the bride of Christ. Paul puts it nicely by saying that, “I am jealous of you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to ONE HUSBAND, TO CHRIST, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.” 2 Corinthians 11:2 (emphasis mine). I am trying to explain that it is important to have in mind that you are already married to the Lord so build your relationship with Jesus. How do you do that? Always take your quiet time seriously every day. Because this is a time God can speak to you and you can speak to God.
You should become very active in Kingdom in activities.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:17 NIV
Do not be just a church member who comes to church just once or twice every month. Rather, be actively involved in church activities. Doing so really helps because we sharpen each other SPIRITUALLY through FELLOWSHIP. It is very important to join in the prayer times, small group meetings, and the various other meetings.
Your spiritual value increases when you grow in your relationship with God and through you relationships with others (fellowship) in church. Do not forget that spiritual value makes you gain favor before God and man. As a result, it will help you to get and keep a good spouse.
The second area that you must develop is…
2. Mental Life
The mental life has to do with your mind. By the way, no one will be comfortable living with anyone who is mentally unhealthy since it will lead to a lot of frustration. You must determine to develop your MENTAL LIFE by reading more books which in turn increases your capacity to think at a higher level. When I say read books, I am not talking about novels and story books but books which empower you or show you what to do. I am talking about “how-to” books that teach you to do things like how to better yourself. Also, determine to know something about other subjects apart from your area of study or expertise so that you will broaden your perspective on issues.
The next thing I will encourage you to develop if you want to get and keep a good spouse is your…
3. Physical Life.
Firstly, develop your PHYSICAL LIFE by learning how to dress. Yes, determine to look nice and classy because looking good is attractive. If you have watched the lives of the First Lady of nations, you notice how very well they dress. They look so classy and descent. As a Christian, I do not have any intention of marrying someone who dresses in a way that exposes her body to the world. Here’s a rule to work with: “If a First Lady won’t wear it, don’t wear it.”
Another physical thing to build is your cooking skill. If you’re a lady reading this, you must understand that men love food. Food is one of the most important things to men, and a lady who knows how to cook is attractive. Do not say this is primitive thinking because there is a lot of wisdom in there. If you’re a lady in church and an opportunity comes for you to cook for any church event, cook and display your skill because it can open doors for you.
In addition, apart from looking good, the men also have to do well to stay in shape. You can do this by joining a gym or any activity that helps you to stay healthy. This will also help you to get and keep a good spouse.
The next area to develop is your…
4. Your Financial Life
Make it your aim to get a good job. As a goal, develop your financial life by completing higher education and earning a good income. This is what will help you to land a good job. For this reason, pay the price to finish college or to get that good job. Ask yourself what are the professions in season and and go for them.
Some pretty good jobs are those that deal with health and IT because of the internet and technology. You can focus on that and build yourself in that so that you can make good money. Remember that I’m not talking about making millions now. Rather, find a job that can help you make good money so that you don’t end up doing menial jobs.
Another thing to do is to develop your financial IQ. You can do this by going online to search topics about savings, investments and other financial practices.
5. Your Professional Life
Decide to grow in your PROFESSIONAL or VOCATIONAL life if you plan on getting and keeping a good spouse. Do not stop school after your undergrad but push on to add your masters’ degree. At this point, I don’t want you to allow what people say discourage you at all. Remember that we are talking about developing your value because when you become a precious jewelry, many people will choose you than choose a table.
As a lady, do not say that men will be afraid to approach you. Rather, understand that if they are serious they will approach you.
6. Your Relationships or Social Life
There are always three parts to this point. There will always be somebody above you, a colleague who is at your level, and someone below you whom you are investing in. Who is your mentor? Who can say, “No” and you will stop? Who can say, “Do” and you will do?
I always tell people that one of the questions to always ask when you want to marry is “Who can tell you to stop and you will stop?” In other words, who is the spiritual authority in your life. If there is no such person, I will encourage you to not marry the person. The reason is that one day, when the person is misbehaving and you need someone to tell him or her to stop, because they are not listening to you, this spiritual authority will be able to step in to correct him or her. Trust me, we all need someone to call us to order once in a while.
Secondly, you must have friends around you who inspire you. As the Bible has said, “Bad company corrupts good character” so you need a good company of friends around you. If you are an engineer it is good to have engineers around you. Also, if you are a pastor, you need to have pastors around you so that you can inspire and encourage each other.
Thirdly, you need to have people you are investing in. The apostle Paul had Timothy and Titus who he was investing in. This is so important because if you don’t have anyone to pour yourself in you end up becoming a proud person and getting and keeping a good spouse might be difficult.
How Do I do all this?
This is simple. Take a planner, and put down the main areas. For example, take your spiritual life and ask yourself, “What do I want to do this year?” Do the same for all the other areas and balance them. Many people may be good in their social life but their financial life is struggling or any other area. So, to make it effective, find out the things that you need to do in order to make sure they’re balanced.
How do I Keep my Marriage?
Here, the basic thing to do is to continue to increase your value in all these aspects of your life and which will help you in getting and keeping a good spouse. Pursue this; do not stop because you’re married and you feel that you have arrived.
When you continue building your value, you will find that it secures your marriage because you are useful, and are helping your partner fulfill the purpose.
Click here to learn how to overcome Loneliness.
How do you choose a good spouse? Learn more from here.
