BREAKUPS DO HAPPEN
In this article, I will teach you simple but effective steps to overcome a breakup and move on. There are different types of breakups that happen when it comes to relationships. There are times that people just stop talking to you, others too, will just want to use you for what you have and leave your life. Various forms of breakups can happen. Some of them are:
- Your fiancé breaking up with you
- Divorce, or
- Friends breaking up long standing relationships.
This is a message someone got. It will give you an idea of what I’m talking about:
“We’d been dating for six months and had been friends for five years. When he wanted to end the relationship, he couldn’t even face me. He just stopped talking to me. I felt helpless. The disappointment was overwhelming. I kept asking myself, ‘What did I do wrong?’ ”—Rachel
Here is another one below:
“We’ve built life together for years. Although, he promised me, “Till love do us part,” he has began seeing someone else.”-Anon
Why are breakups difficult?
A Breakup crushes your joy
“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death….”Song of Solomon 8:6 ESV
A breakup is like a mini death, and the pain can be unbearable especially when you have invested so much into it. When this happens, it drains you of all the joy you had because you thought things were going to last forever.
Stages you will go through before you overcome a breakup
This is the initial stage right after a breakup where you refuse to accept that things are really over. People in this stage often tell themselves, “It can’t be over. He’ll change his mind in a day or two.” More so, the hurt and pain often cloud your judgment so you may not be thinking objectively.
Anger begins to form when you realize the person is not coming back. At this stage, you begin to think about all the sacrifices you made because of the relationship. Moreover, you would be hurt about the fact that you think the person was dishonest with you or just took you for granted. Here, you ask questions like, “How could he do this to me? I can’t stand him!” As a result, you may end up living a life of anger and even project it onto others.
At the depression stage, you may feel a sense of worthlessness where thoughts like, ‘‘I’m unlovable. No one will ever love me,’’ “I’m a mess,” and the like, begin to plague you. You may think that that was your best chance which has been crushed. But hey, that’s not true. It’s the devil trying to play with your mind. The best is yet to come.
The next stage is acceptance. At this point, you begin to reconcile things in your heart and embrace the reality of the breakup. So, you often have thoughts like, ‘I’m going to be all right. The breakup hurt, but I’m getting better.’ Surely, you will be better.
Forgiveness is the next stage that takes you closer to healing and moving on from the hurt that came from the breakup. At this point, you learn to forgive the one who hurt you because holding on to the bitterness and the hurt will not help you move on and overcome the breakup. As you go through the process, you will know that things will work out for your good.
Finally, healing comes. You will know this because you do not even think much about it any longer, and you’re so excited and looking forward to what God has in store for you.
Unfortunately, many people do not get to heal. But my prayer for you is that the Lord will help you to heal by the time you are done with this post.
Why you must reach healing quickly?
1) Your relationship with the Holy Spirit depends on it.
The Holy Spirit cannot move in your life when you are in a state of unforgiveness or depression. The Holy Spirit operates with joy and peace (Romans 14:17) so it is important that you move on so that you can enjoy the sweet influences of the Holy Spirit.
2) Your joy depends on it
The joy of the Lord is your strength. No one wants to wake up from bed feeling all drained and weak. Friend, you need the joy of the Lord in your heart. Your joy is at stake if you refuse to move on.
Depression and hurt affect you deeply. So do not allow yourself to be overcome by them. A joyless life shall soon die.
How to Overcome a Breakup and move on?
Understand that it’s just a season you are in
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 ESV
It is ok to weep a little bit or even feel sad. But this should not go on forever. Your peace matters a lot if you are going to overcome a breakup. It is only a season. Don’t stay in this season for long.
Forgive the person
We learn from the scriptures that when we forgive others we open the door to be forgiven also (Mark 11:25). This is a time to decide to let it go because being unforgiving can be a major stumbling block to your healing. Remember, the Holy Spirit cannot move in your life without forgiveness.
If you want a proof that you have forgiven the person, that will be when you wish the person well. So, if you’re wishing the person evil, you haven’t truly forgiven the person.
Ask God for forgiveness too
You will find that no matter how good your part of the story is, you are not entirely innocent. There could be a part or role in the relationship that you didn’t play well. Admittedly, no one is perfect. It takes a lot of objectivity to admit that you also could be at fault. Remember, the only way healing can come is through forgiveness.
Talk to spiritual counselors.
“Confess and acknowledge how you have offended one another and then pray for one another to be instantly healed, for tremendous power is released through the passionate, heartfelt prayer of a godly believer!”James (Jacob) 5:16 TPT
Talk to spiritually mature counselors like your pastor and share the pain. You will find that It is therapeutic as it takes a lot of burden off of you. Your shepherd will give you the word of God that will wash you, strengthen and encourage you. Also, it is an opportunity to receive the blessing of a prayer.
There is hope for the future as long as the Holy Spirit is in your life. Once he is in your life, he can recreate all you’ve lost.
Receive God’s love
Spend time in God’s presence talking about him and receiving his love. The reason why you are here on earth is to be loved by God so allow him to love you. Be open with your feeling before God. This is a time to develop a deep relationship with the Holy Spirit. So, do not be afraid to be vulnerable before you.
Whoever has left your life may not have a role to play any loner in your life.
As you spend time receiving his love, thus love will fill your heart (Romans 5:12)
Be deeply thankful to God
“And in the midst of everything be always giving thanks, for this is God’s perfect plan for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:18 TPT
One major way of enjoying the presence of God is through the prayer of thanksgiving. There is still something to thank God about. You may have gone through a divorce but you may have your children to thank God for. The next step in how to overcome the breakup lies in your ability to be thankful.
Keep yourself busy and don’t isolate yourself
It is very easy to feel helpless and useless. Do not allow yourself to be lonely or idle. You can do this by becoming actively involved in church activities. This will prevent the devil from injecting the wrong thoughts into your mind.
When you become active you’ll find that your healing becomes faster. You can also use this period to focus on others. Become a source of comfort to others who are also in trouble
“All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us.”2 Corinthians 1:3-4 TPT
Look to the future with hope
“Now may God, the inspiration and fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope!”Romans 15:13 TPT
As I bring this topic to a close, I want to encourage you that God will not let your story go waste. He will make something beautiful out of your story.
The articles below can also be a great blessing to you: